Enraged sadness

Do you remember, my friend
the enraged sadness
going through you
after a break up?

This enraged sadness
is not the loss of someone
you didn’t even want to possess

This enraged sadness
is not the loss of yourself
when there is not an “other” anymore
for you to feel significant

This enraged sadness
breaks through when
you actually didn’t wanted
this relationship anymore

Why then such a rage?

This enraged sadness
comes from your mourning
of all the broken things
that will never be repaired

You kept on with the relationship
with the hope that
there could be a dialogue
that responsibility would be taken
that reparation would happen
You kept on with your work
within the relationship
You kept on with your hope
to be heard, believed, comforted
to hear an apology, to be asked to forgive
and to get repair

You are mourning now
there will never be
any dialogue
any responsabilisation
any reparation

Everything you swallowed
humiliations, blurred limits
instrumentalisation, violence
will never ever be told
stated or repaired

You are mourning a part of yourself
Your pride, your time, your energy
You thought everything was still possible
Nothing had ever been possible.
Nothing ever.
And it’s not your fault.

What should have been
a tale of love
was actually
a tale of power

Remember:
Your heart collapses
not because of the break up
but because of the relationship

Some people take, use and go.
The despair they left behind them
is not due to their greatness
but to their wickedness.

Do you remember, my friend
the enraged sadness
going through you
after a break up?

Listen to your rage
listen to your sadness
they tell your heart was
not stolen
but beaten
they help you heal
and will protect you.